Fight and secret

So tonight (Sunday night), he said that he's at his sister's house for dinner. That might be true. But somehow, it felt weird when he had to go outside amidst the rain just to say hi to me. As if he is keeping a secret. As if he doesn't want to let his sister know that he's virtually dating me. As if I am yet to be included in his family circle. As if I am the mistress that needs to be hidden all the time.

Oh wait, he has someone in his life already.

This is very frustrating. He is always gone during the weekend. Always. I long for his random talk, laugh about random things, you know, like what boyfriend girlfriend do - being lazy, getting cozy with each other. I know men need some space, but the only time I got to talk to him is always during his work time. Quite frustrating.

For the second time, he lied about his name. Not Eric, but Paul. But he told me that Eric is his second name, which I am not sure what to believe. I tried to trust him, but he keeps on breaching the trust. My heart shatters to pieces. All the time. Even though I let it go, I am not sure whatever he said to me tonight has some truth in it.

[7:20:15 AM] eric222333: No I mean back into sis house stepped outside a min to talk to you
[7:20:32 AM] Sha HZ: Why do you need to do that?
[7:27:10 AM] eric222333: Haha. Cause I'm wet. Was raining out.
[7:28:07 AM] Sha HZ: Then why going out to talk to me? We can text inside the house and not getting yourself wet.
[7:47:18 AM] eric222333: Rude to text at table I think.
[7:50:03 AM] Sha HZ: You know i dont mean while having dinner.
[7:51:37 AM] Sha HZ: Ok if that is how you see me. Enjoy.
[7:54:32 AM] eric222333: What do you me as how I see you???   I didn't say anything about how I see u?
[8:06:46 AM] eric222333: I wasn't saying your rude
[8:06:55 AM] eric222333: If that's what you think I meant.
[8:07:43 AM] eric222333: Not at all. I just didn't want to text at the table but wanted to say hi to you. So I stepped outside for some fresh air to say hi.
[8:10:51 AM] Sha HZ: K. My fault.
[8:13:45 AM] Sha HZ: Not appreciating your struggles just to talk to me amidst the rain. Fine. Sorry.
[8:15:23 AM] Sha HZ: For* not

So, in the end, it is always me to surrender. I let him win.

But I really love this man. Sigh. Why so difficult?

So, my next question is..... who am I to him? Girlfriend? Or just someone for him to satisfy his needs... needs, by mean sex?



Sincerely,
In dilemma